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10 Things

September 14, 2012

It seems like every day I come face-to-face with another list of “10 Things” that someone peremptorily produced to draw us in. We like lists, and we like that all life’s egregious complexities can be tidied up in an easily-digestible, 10-point summary sandwich. Well, I am someone peremptory (when occasion calls for it), and in honor of these assembly-line assessments, I have compiled my own “10 Things” for your consumption: “10 Things Your Child Believes are Legitimate Excuses.”

Kids make excuses for many reasons: they don’t want to get in trouble, they think they are being funny, they have priorities that don’t align with ours, they forget (sometimes they actually do!), etc. And sometimes, things that sound like excuses to us are actually reasons to them – they just don’t fly in a grown-up world. My 6-year-old son hits all of these points, occasionally in one afternoon.

So here they are, in no particular order (which may be an affront to “10 Things” lists everywhere) – my questions, followed by his responses. WARNING: Do not attempt to use these excuses at work. Your boss may suspect you have a hole in your brain.

1)      Did you scream/fart/knock that over?
            -It was the baby.

2)      Why didn’t you tell me?
            -Well I was thinking it, and you already know what I’m thinking.

3)      Why did it take you 10 minutes to put on your shoes?
            -I was trying to be stealthy.

4)      Why did you glue your drawings on the wall?
            -I wanted you to remember me.

5)      Why is your hand all yellow?
            -It’s yelloooooow!

6)      (Asking a second time, though I should probably know better) Yes, but WHY is your hand yellow?
            -It’s YELLOOOOOOW!!

7)      I want you to go to the bathroom before bed.
            -But I already went.
         When did you go?
            -When I got home from school (5 hours earlier).

8)      I told you to do your homework an hour ago. Why haven’t you started?
            -Ohhhhh, homework? I thought you said “herdurk!”

9)      Why were you in the bathroom for half an hour?
            -I was thinking.

10)   Why are you being much trouble right now?
            -Because you made me that way!

Happy Friday!

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